Remorse and Recompense
by Haru17
Summary: Shirley goes out for a night on the town while her mother slumbers. Footfalls on the rain-drenched concrete paint a story of remorse and recompense.
Shirley had snuck out after putting her mother to bed. She needed some time... Some time to think. She contemplated going to the concert, but the thought of facing Lelouch right now just gave her anxiety. So she wandered the Tokyo Settlement; half-heartedly window shopping, sitting in the park, and even going to an overpriced club frequented by the Settlement's nouveau riche. The management seemed to overlook Shirley's obviously less than sufficient age, permitting her to get fairly smashed.

She was all grown up now, Shirley thought with a wry smile, thinking of her father.

Feeling woozy, Shirley decided to go back home before she did something truly stupid. Walking to the station, it was cloudy and pouring, which caused her normally buttercup-yellow dress to take on a sullen tone. The monorail ride to Ashford gave it a chance to dry off, though it wasn't worth much in this humidity. Shirley took off her soaked white bolero, wringing it out before stuffing it into her purse. The monorail dropped Shirley off a few blocks from school and she made her way to Ashford other the Settlement's eaves. She sprinted across the darkened campus, running into her dorm building, out of the rain.

Running had helped her sober up, it seemed, as she felt more aware now. Despite the row of arched windows, the dormitory hall was nearly pitch-black. Checking her phone produced a pale glow which illuminated the adjacent walls and the knowledge that it was almost 2:30 am. Shirley put her phone away and made for her dorm. For now she just needed to go to bed; she could check on her mom in the morning. In the darkness she fumbled with her keychain. Once she had the right key she turned back to the lock an—

"Shirley..." she heard from the shadows to her left.

Shirley yelped and jumped back in a panic, flattening herself against the opposite wall. She pointed her cell in the offending direction and switched on the flashlight. She immediately switched the harsh white light off. Sitting by her door was the Student Council Vice President—whom she supposed she had stood up, come to think of it.

"L-Lelouch? Are you..."

Shirley knelt down in front of Lelouch, looking at his face in the scarce light. His straight, raven-black hair at once contrasted with and matched his flawless pale skin and severe features. He was in his usual leather coat and black turtleneck. Lulu's eyes were closed and his face peaceful. He must have fallen asleep while waiting by her door.

"What an idiot…" Shirley whispered fondly.

It was so sweet of him to wait up like this... which had the unfortunate side effect of making her feel like shit for not showing up to the concert hall. Even given the circumstances. He was so considerate, he… he had said her name in his sleep. Now _that_ thought made her blush.

Shirley listened to Lelouch's quiet breathing, rhythmic and peaceful. Her cold, rain-speckled skin flushing as she brushed a lock of black hair out of his face. Before she knew what she was doing, Shirley leaned in and met his soft lips in a small, chaste kiss.

 _What_ was she doing?

She couldn't be acting like this! Not only would Milly give her way, _way_ too much shit for it, but acting like this was simply way too creepy. It wasn't her birthday—her dad had just died! She wasn't _supposed_ to be happy right now!

Maybe she was more drunk than she felt... which meant it was time for bed. Lelouch seemed relatively undisturbed by all this, so Shirley got back up. Finding the right key again, she unlocked her door and stepped into her dorm. She walked across the darkened room and switched her bedside lamp on. Sophie's bed was empty—presumably she was crashing at a friend's house. She was working on that big botany project, after all. Shirley swung the door shut, set her purse down on the desk chair, and discarded her soaked dress for her mint-colored nightgown. Her bed looked entirely too appealing after all that had happened today. She made for her sheets, however, she saw the unbalanced door slowly swinging back open out of the corner of her eye. Turning to look, she saw that Lelouch had slightly slumped over into the door frame in his sleep.

Shirley bit her lip, chewing over her options. Having him wake up in her room could look really bad—that is, hot and cold and _crazy_ —but it seemed cruel to just leave him on the floor after he made such a nice gesture. She could wake him up, but she still felt like she couldn't deal with that right now. She needed to sleep and forget, but Lelouch—arrrgh, screw it!

Shirley strode over to Lelouch, crouching down beside him before hooking her arms under his legs and back and hoisting him up. Shirley carried Lelouch bridal style over to her bed. Given that they were both about the same size, it would have been more difficult to carry Lelouch had any of his body been comprised of muscle mass. As it was Shirley set him down atop the sheets with ease before gingerly removing his jacket and setting it on her chair, draping it over the back above her purse. She walked back over and shut the door before anyone got the wrong idea. Shirley paced back to the bed, hovering over the fair-faced object of her affections for just a moment before switching off her lamp and making for Sophie's bed. She could spare it for one night.

"S-Shirley…?" his voice came, sleep-filled and husky.

"Y-Yes, Lul—Lelouch!?" came Shirley's startled reply as she whirled around.

"Where am I?" Lelouch asked.

It was a fair question. Truly, it was. However...

"W-W-Why would you ask that? You're just in my room. B-B-Because, you were already sleeping in the hall, I just wanted to sleep with you. I mean sleep with me! I mean I wanted you to sleep in my bed and not on the floor!" Shirley finally finished, her face flushing bright red.

Lelouch's amethyst eyes shone darkly as adopted a sleepily bemused smile. "Thank you, Shirley."

"Of course!" Shirley squeaked back.

"Why weren't you at the concert tonight?" Lelouch asked.

These fair questions were killing her. She just could not _deal_ with this right now!

"Lulu, scoot over," Shirley drowsily commanded.

She could allow herself this one indulgence, right?

"We'll talk about this in the morning, but right now… Right now it's late and I just need a friend," Shirley said.

"S-Sure," Lelouch replied, shifting back toward the wall.

 _Some_ things got to him. That, at least, was fair.

Shirley climbed onto her bed, settling into the covers beside Lelouch. She shifted onto her side, facing away from the wall. Lelouch somewhat awkwardly pivoted towards her, his hand tentatively stroking her shoulder.

Shirley lightly sighed in appreciation, finding the words she had been searching for, "Hey Lelouch? Thank you for today. Even though things didn't work out it was kind of you to wait for me like that."

"It… was nothing, I had already finished my homework so... If I can sleep in class then sleeping outside your door is no big deal. Though this _is_ preferable," Lelouch murmured into Shirley's nape, his voice slurring in his haze.

Shirley shivered, his sleep-dripping words thrilling her. Emboldened, she asked, "Lulu could you… hold me?"

"Yeah," Lelouch said helpfully, looping his arms around Shirley's waist. His broad hands pressed the thin mint fabric against her stomach, warming her chilled skin through it.

His touch made Shirley flush. It just made her feel so safe. No, she hadn't been feeling particularly _unsafe._ Since she heard the news it was more like she felt adrift. As if her sense of belonging had been left unmoored. Now, Lelouch's embrace made Shirley feel at home once more. Not so… empty.

Tears dropped from Shirley's eyes, each one bursting and soaking into the taunt sheet with a dull "plip." She began whimpering, sobbing softly in Lelouch's arms.

"S-Shirley? What is it!?" Lelouch asked worriedly.

"It's nothing, Lulu, I just—I… Oh, this is hopeless. I can't sleep like this," Shirley said, her voice breaking. She rolled over to face Lelouch's chest, drawing back until she caught the worried amethyst gleam of his eyes.

"Look, Lelouch, this morning I got a call. My mom and I took a train to Narita. We... we found my dad. He was at one of the military search and rescue operations. They had dug up his body," Shirley said, her eyes shut tight, sobbing into his chest now.

Lelouch tensed around her; clearly he was in shock from the revelation.

"I know it isn't fair to dump all this on you," Shirley said, trying to control her breathing. "We haven't even had a date yet and I'm just being selfis—"

"No you're not!" Lelouch said harshly, pulling her into a tight hug. "You're not selfish! I'm the one tha—I'm so sorry, Shirley. More than you know."

Shirley was speechless. Lelouch was being so kind to her. Kind beyond any of her wildest hopes. All she could manage was a broken, "Thank you," as she quietly cried into Lelouch's chest, wetting his turtleneck.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry."

Lelouch loosened his grip on Shirley, giving her some breathing room and rolling onto his back.

Shirley cuddled up to Lelouch's side, her head resting on his shoulder. She wiped her eye, swallowing to clear her voice, "Oh Lulu, I feel so fake. My mom is totally distraught and I haven't even cried until now. I feel totally alien just trying to talk to her. I loved him—I know I did! To be so numb, so _unaffected…_ Am I doing something wrong!?"

Lelouch's arm around her tightened slightly.

"Shirley…" Lelouch said, trying to find the words. "I was young back when my mother died. I felt so angry I didn't stop to think about it. I don't think I cried until I saw Nunnally in her hospital bed. Everyone grieves differently and I think… I'm _sure,_ that your feelings are unassailable. So stop being hard on yourself."

Shirley wordlessly pressed her face into Lelouch's shoulder, wrapping her arm around his chest. "You've been so good to me," she said, her words slowing as sleep overtook her.

"It's nothing, really. Try to get some sleep for now," Lelouch said, placing a hand on Shirley's back.

"Alright," Shirley said, closing her eyes.

They stayed still for a while, the rhythm of their breaths attuning to each other. After some time had passed Shirley spoke up, her voice thick with sleep.

"Hey, Lulu?"

"What is it?"

"I just… Thanks. I knew I could trust you."

"Y-Yeah."

* * *

 ** _Author's Note:_** It pleases me. I don't know if y'all like this kind of romance scene, but I sure as hell do. Super-fun to play with each character's particular level of dramatic irony too. I hope it came across, but this is set the night after Shirley found out her father was dead, Lelouch of course having killed him (via Kallen and a landslide).

I'm also really digging these cryptic, Eureka Seven next episode teaser-like, summaries. Hope they're not obnoxious ;)

Anyway, tell me what you think. Too much angst? Not enough!? I want to know.


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